Just a couple of comments... Looks good, assuming you've left enough travel time to various spots in there... the drive to Hetch Hetchy is a long, winding road, sometimes one lane, so it will be slow going.
You might check on the hiker bus schedule - would be good to have a fallback option if you miss the YARTS.
Ten Lakes can also be a day hike from the Ten Lakes trailhead on Tioga Rd. If you are on the hiker bus you can ask the driver to let you off.
That said... you've got a really ambitious schedule, and I don't think you'll be unhappy with any of what you've got on the plan.